I used to smoke (sorry mom). Cigarettes were my love language. There wasn’t anything that I couldn’t work out over a couple of puffs. I loved the way that they felt in my hand and the way I felt when I smoked. The ritual (despite now knowing how absolutely disgusting) brought me a lot of joy.

When I had to stop smoking, it was because I knew the habit was dangerous, damaging, and unhealthy. Regardless, I wasn’t happy about it. I’m reminded of this story my mom told of me holding onto my pacifier until I was way too old. I finally decided it was time to give it up (after much persuasion) and I kissed it goodbye and put it in the trash while crying my eyes out for a long long time. That’s kind of how felt when I stopped smoking. I would do it dammit…..but I wouldn’t like it.

I used willpower, force, shaming, and berating myself until I finally just stopped craving them. But I will tell you the truth- if the surgeon general were to come out and say that they had it all wrong and that smoking is actually good for you-I would start again in a heartbeat!

Today I’m two days away from being three years sober. Shockingly, my experience with quitting booze was a lot less negative than my experience with quitting smoking. I had come to the conclusion that alcohol was no longer serving me because I wasn’t feeling good emotionally or physically. I went about it with curiosity while slowly learning about the drug and allowing myself to form new ideas. I didn’t make any grand proclamations that I was “quitting” and I gave myself so much grace and love (instead of shame and guilt like I did with smoking). I think that’s the difference of why I still hold on hope that smoking will someday be healthy while I don’t ever want to drink again.

Since quitting booze I’ve taken that same approach with a few other things. Recently, I’ve given up scrolling social media on my phone. I think it’s clear that I’m not great with moderation. Once the pandemic hit I found that I was spending an obscene amount of time on my phone. Did you know that social media addiction works a lot like alcohol addiction? I decided that I needed to get my life back and I approached it a lot like I approached quitting booze. I started with loving myself enough to know that I wanted more for my life than to look at my phone all day long. I gave it time and patience. I replaced the behavior with more writing, taking pictures for fun, and looking up recipes.

I’ve also given up gluten due to a recent scare with a family member who has a genetic form of Celiac. Again, this was done as a form of self-respect and love. I focused on what I would gain if I quit gluten and I do have Celiac (still waiting on testing). I stayed positive about the outcome and I found a gluten-free biscuit recipe that gets me through hard times.

These days I’m finding it easier to say goodbye to things that are no longer serving me. Successfully becoming alcohol-free has given me the confidence to eliminate things from my life. I’m much less driven by FOMO, obligations, threats, shoulds, and societal pressures and much more inclined to evaluate what brings me peace. Sometimes it’s additions like meditation or journaling. But mostly, I’m learning that quitting things is often the answer. I’ve realized over and over again that my comfort zone isn’t always that comfortable. For example, looking at my phone for 3 straight hours while consuming massive amounts of cookies, cakes, and bread (I’m not joking).

I’m shocked that by being a quitter I’m becoming more and more myself. Quitting is something that never seemed like an option for me. My personality does not mesh well with quitters. I’m a doer. I get things done. I’m your go-to gal, a jack of all trades, super reliable, and a follow all the way through no matter the pain and suffering kind of person. My brain can easily turn the idea quitting into failure, unworthiness, and a dark hole of void. With all of that being said, sobriety is teaching me that I might have it all wrong. Maybe quitting is my greatest asset?

These days I accept that I am ever-changing and that there is really no one version of me that will last forever. I used to think that if I changed all the time I must be a hypocrite, a liar, someone who gives up, someone who doesn’t know themselves, and a bunch of other negative associations. That’s just not true. The more I grow, the more I learn, and the more I change. Not everything of course. I’m probably always going to be a little bit anxious and I don’t think I’ll ever start liking heavy metal. But if I need to quit something (especially if it’s toxic) now I know I can.

Do you have anything that could be eliminated?

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